mittens

Looking back

You laid there on the rough carpet of this party house, as i traced your jawline and and cheeks lightly with the tip of my finger, i realized what i had been doing and stopped immediately. Turning your face, you couldn’t find mine so your body followed until we connected you made a sound of disappointment as you looked into my eyes and my heart melted as i continued my tracing. 

A second time, a second night, a second match to this fire that i thought was sizzled out. I don’t want to fuck this up, and i don’t want you to either, like all the boys before you. I was hesitant at first to tell you about the last boy who so bluntly hurt me, i thought you wouldn’t be as fond of me -if you are really- because it would make me look like a little unexperienced girl. But your response was so understanding, you dealt with the story better than anyone had, perhaps it even made you feel for me even more? Hey now - lets not get our hopes up.

This is my favourite post on my Tumblr. It feels so nice to look back on something and see that I didn’t end up heart broken and disappointed. I got this boy in the end and he may be the best thing to ever happen to me. So happy.

I’m not sure whose more excited for me to drop for the first time, myself or others. I get to experience it but the others who know the experience too well get to watch it unfold. I can’t wait any longer to be 18 so iv gotten my learners changed. I’m tired of being the innocent one on the outer, its unfair being left behind. It really doesnt help when your boyfriend is out every weekend and you can’t come, or when everyone talks about going out together at school and you can’t say shit but “i should get an I.D”. 50 dollars down the drain if this doesnt pass, or i could use a whole punched learners of my sisters but both look dodgy at this point. Fuuuuuuuck.